


It had always been more than that

by Supernatastic



Series: Supernatural Codas [2]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: 12x12 Coda, Cuddling, Kissing, M/M, Sad, crying on both counts, fluffy angst?, okay not really fluffy, s12e12 Coda, seeking comfort in each other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-17
Updated: 2017-02-17
Packaged: 2018-09-25 05:02:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,517
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9803648
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Supernatastic/pseuds/Supernatastic
Summary: 12x12 coda, what happens after Dean says, "Let's go home."





	

**Author's Note:**

> I wasn't going to write this, then I couldn't stop myself. It wasn't even supposed to end there, but when I wrote it, it just seemed to fit. Hope you enjoy.

“Let’s go home.” Dean looked at Castiel, blood still covering his clothing, with a guarded expression. He was so relieved Cas was okay. That he was still there,  _ alive _ . Dean almost had his heart ripped out in the form of his  boyfriend best friend literally rotting to death in front of his eyes. 

Dean was an emotional wreck but he would hide it for now, knowing his family needed him to be strong. He was known for being the glue that held them together. At least to himself he was. Holding them together was easy. Keeping himself together? Fucking hard. He shoved stuff down because he knew he would never be able to deal with it. But this? This he had to deal with. But… later. He could keep up his strong exterior at least until they all returned to the bunker.

The ride home was quiet, Mary in her own car, Sam napping off a headache in the back seat, and Castiel sitting shotgun, not having said a word since the car started. 

The silence had been unbearable so Dean had turned on the radio, softly, as to not wake Sam. At one point Dean saw Castiel shift in the corner of his eye, and taking the opportunity for what it was Dean reached out his hand to grab Castiel’s. Castiel’s eyes closed at the contact, but he didn’t pull away, clearly needing the small touch as much as Dean did.  

Dean glanced over at Cas, rubbing his thumb reassuringly over the back of his hand. He had been close to death before, as had Castiel, so he knew exactly what it was like to be at the brink and then pulled back suddenly. Hell, they all knew that feeling. But that didn’t make it any less of fucking nightmare when it happened. They would be home soon. Dean could take care of Castiel then, where they could be in private and not have to worry about prying eyes...or prying brothers. He did NOT need to have a  _ feelings _ chat with Sammy about...any of this, really. 

Castiel held onto Dean until they were pulled into the driveway only breaking the contact it seemed so he could properly exit the car. Dean nudged Sam with his foot but didn’t bother waiting around for him to get a move on. He had something he needed to do, someone he needed to hold. Tight. 

He jogged to catch up to Castiel who had already made his way down the hallway towards his own room. 

Just as he went to open the door knob, Dean grabbed his shoulder, stopping him in his tracks. “Cas,” Dean nearly shouted in his near panic and preventing Cas from locking himself in his room and hiding for hours. Castiel turned to look at Dean, his eyes tired and weary. “Come to my room.”

It was simple request, one he asked on a regular basis, but Castiel always seemed so much more willing to follow him than he did this time. Still holding his shoulder, Dean wrapped his arm further around Castiel and led him towards his bedroom. He shut the door behind them, locking it just in case. He didn’t need Sam OR his mom bursting in here…

He shoved Cas so that he was sitting at the end of the bed and began removing his shoes, socks, trench coat, bloody shirt, and slacks. He left him sitting there in just his boxers before stripping down to his own boxers and pulling back the covers for Castiel to climb in. They both quickly got under the covers, and Dean wrapped them both up with the spare blanket he keeps at the end of the bed. Castiel moved closer to him, both of them seeking the warmth the other would provide with skin on skin contact. 

They didn’t used to cuddle like this, not saying anything, not  _ doing  _ anything. But it had recently become something they did quite often. Like when Dean returned from speaking with Amara and Chuck. Castiel had realized how close he’d come to losing Dean and that had been the breaking point with which they decided cuddling was okay between friends. Totally normal. 

But actually, fuck that thinking. Cas was Dean’s best friend, hell, he was way more than that. He may not have a word for what they were but it sure as hell was greater than friendship. He couldn’t imagine his life without Castiel. 

Castiel buried his head under Dean’s chin, still not making a sound until a small sniffle came out. Followed by another. Then Castiel started shaking.

“Cas? You alright?” Dean used his hand to lift Castiel’s head out from under him so he could get a look at his face. Castiel’s body shook as he started to sob, tears streaming down his face. 

“Dean,” Castiel muttered through the tears. He had never seen his angel so broken before, and it tore at his heartstrings. It was usually him who caused Castiel the most pain, like the time he kicked him out of the bunker when he was a human, but Dean swore to himself he would never let himself be that cruel to Cas ever again. He was obviously terrible at keeping promises.

“It’s okay, angel. I’ve got you.” Dean pulled Castiel back in, wrapping his arms around him and pressing kisses all over his hair and forehead. He continued to allow Castiel to cry into his chest, rubbing his back soothingly all the while. 

Dean let a few of his own tears make an appearance, but opted not to wipe them away in favor of holding onto Castiel. Of course, that meant they were free to slide down his cheek and fall onto Castiel’s head… which he of course felt… friggin angels. 

Castiel’s sobs quieted and his tear stained face angled towards the hunter. “Dean?”

Dean smiled at him, a small pathetic half smile, but that was all he could seem to muster, as he was quickly falling apart at the seams just like Castiel. His angel swiped the tears off of Dean’s face before leaning forward, making his intentions all too clear. They had only ever kissed before during sex, never really out of love as much as something that just happened in the heat of the moment. But Dean found that he craved the feeling of Cas’s lips on his own and quickly closed the distance between them. 

Castiel wound his fingers into Dean’s hair, pulling him towards him as close as he could. The kiss was rough, passionate, full of the emotions both of them were pouring over with. The desperate need for closeness was apparent in both of their bodies, and when the finally separated so Dean could get a breath, Castiel pressed his forehead to Dean’s, not once letting his hands leave their place in his hunter’s hair. 

“I am so sorry, Dean,” Castiel muttered, his warm breath tickling Dean’s nose. This statement bothered Dean and he jerked his head away in shock.

“What are you sorry for? I’m the one who’s sorry. I shoulda been there, Cas. I should have protected you. I almost lost you because I couldn’t take out some stupid demon. This is not on you.”

Cas just shook his head. “I’m an angel, Dean. I shouldn’t need you to protect me. I was once a soldier in Heaven. Now what am I? I’m a failure who is only good at dying.”

Dean hated hearing Castiel talk like this, and not knowing what he should say to make it better he decided to just keep Castiel’s lips too busy to blame himself for anything. He slammed their mouths together violently, teeth clashing painfully, but that did the trick. Castiel quickly opened his mouth for Dean’s tongue, deepening the kiss immediately. He didn’t let the kiss go for long before pulling away again and simply holding Cas close. He needed to feel his angel’s body against his, to reassure himself that he was still here, still alive. 

Castiel gripped him back equally hard, obviously as grateful to be here as Dean was to have him. They laid this way for a long time before they shifted, Castiel now laying his head on Dean’s chest, his finger drawing shapes over Dean’s abdomen. Dean pressed a soft, chaste kiss to Castiel’s head while he worked up the courage to say what he was about to say. Ever since he’d heard Cas say “I love you” in that barn, his heart had been racing wildly. He had never heard those words from anyone but his mother before, and he had never said them either, not with any meaning. He knows that Castiel was saying it in the moment, a shitty moment, but that didn’t make it not true. And Dean realized then that he loved Castiel too. Obviously he loved him as a friend, but it was more than that. It had always been more than that.

Rubbing his hand softly over Cas’s messy hair, Dean somehow found the courage to open his mouth. “I love you, too.” 


End file.
